Don't worry Mum, I’ll be okay...

The taxi is arriving at 8; I am ready for 7:45.

I sit by the window, waiting for the taxi.

The house is silent.

Mum shouts, “Are you ready?” “Yes,” I shout back.

I see the taxi coming down the street.

“The taxi’s here; it’s time for me to go,” I shout.

Mum runs down the stairs. “Wait… wait,” she says.

I open the front door; it creaks.

The taxi driver reaches out to grab my bags. I turn around to see Mum.

She’s standing there, holding back tears with a glass of water in hand.

I give her a hug. “don’t worry, I’ll be okay” I say.

I sit in the taxi, closing the door behind me.

I turn back and looking out of the rear view.

I see Mum still holding back the tears, still with the glass in hand.

The car sets off down the street.

Mum throws the water from the glass on the road in front of her. She waves; I wave back.

I turn around, facing the road ahead, now with tears in my eyes.

I’ll be fine I say under my voice

Rituals

I wrote this post on LinkedIn about Rituals and figured why not expanded it bit more. (feel free to go check that out and give it a like first)

Tradition and rituals are part of our human-patterned language. Whether it’s throwing water on the path in front of you to signal safe travels, having Sunday roast together, or exchanging gifts on Christmas Day, we all have them, and they’re important.

However, we often mix up what a ritual is versus a habit or what’s a habit versus a routine.

I’ve been fascinated with rituals since I was first brought into one at work. It was a team handshake. From the outside looking in, people would see a group of four of us doing this special handshake and instantly think we were strange but also super curious about why we did it. Honestly, I never really knew why we did it, but it made me feel part of something. It bonded us as a team; it was something special and symbolic.

The handshake has been a symbol of trust, peace, and alliance for years. Many believe it’s been around for over 3,000 years, with the first recorded instance being in the 9th century BCE, with King Marduk-Zakir-Shumi I shaking hands with Assyrian King Shalmaneser III. The up-and-down motion of shaking hands was meant to show that the person had no weapon concealed up their sleeve, and if they did, it would dislodge them.

In the working world, things like handshakes have moved from being rituals to more of a habit, which makes me a little sad. However, it isn’t just handshakes that I think have lost their way in the working world. How we celebrate, motivate, and bond as a team all now seem to have lost their way, resulting in many rituals being watered down to a habit or routine. Let me give you my definition of what I think is a routine, tradition, habit, and ritual:

Rituals, Habits, and Routines: What’s the Difference?

• Habits: Simple behaviours that happen based on social cues and environmental context. It’s something you find yourself doing but lacks any deeper meaning.

• Routines: Often a series of habits that flow together. Your day consists of many of these, from when you get up in the morning right through to when you go to bed at night. They can feel pretty mundane and very checklist-like.

• Rituals: While routines and habits can feel mundane, rituals are the opposite. They carry significance and often have a deeper meaning, whether emotional or symbolic.

Take, for example, my friend Brij. He’s Hindu and recently tied the knot with his partner, Lucy. I was very fortunate to be invited to watch these two beautiful humans get married (see below) but I also couldn’t help but observe some of the rituals that took place. One of my favourites was the pheras.

The pheras is where the bride and groom walk around a fire several times, each time representing a vow or commitment. This ritual in Hindu traditions represents the joining of two individuals and their families.

It was wonderful to be a part of the wedding and fascinating to see special rituals like this take place. But we need more rituals in the workplace:

• Rituals allow us to experiment.

• They give structure and meaning to something.

• They can put us in a desired state.

• They’re grounding and bonding.

Who wouldn’t want that in their day-to-day? When I work with clients on behaviour experimentation, a lot of the time, a new ritual is something that gets experimented with. Ritual design is for another day, but here are four rituals I’ve tried, tweaked, and tested with many different types of organisations, and something you can implement straight away should your team find it meaningful:

Power Pause Ritual

The power pause is a little pause with mighty power. It’s a ritual often seen in various medical centres around the world… well, the good ones anyway.

It’s simple: before surgery, the surgeons and nurses come together to get grounded and align on the task at hand. You stop thinking about the procedure, the technical aspects, and the steps that need to be taken, and instead, think about the person lying on the bed. Usually, someone will lead and remind everyone who this person is, their name, how many kids they have, what they do for a living, their hopes and dreams. This ritual is to stop people from falling into autopilot and routine.

It’s all about reminding everyone in the room to be present and working on the same page with the real reason why they are there: to help this human, not just a patient on the bed. Great for when bouncing from meeting to meeting, in one-on-ones, or having to deliver difficult conversations.

Truth Exchange Ritual

This is a simple ritual I use before going into any cross-functional lab or accelerator. Often, when you bring people across from different departments or internal and external people, they often come armed with biases and beliefs about the lab or the people in it. So, before I start any lab, I ask people to answer some basic questions and pin them up on a wall. A selection of the questions could be:

• What beliefs do you have about us or the project?

• What biases do you hold about the people here?

• What are your biggest concerns about this partnership?

• What assumptions are you bringing into this collaboration?

• What past experiences are influencing your approach to this project?

• What do you think we might misunderstand about you or your organisation?

Asking a group of people who may have just met for the first time what their biases are is a really bold question. The reason I use this ritual at the start of every lab is it creates a safe space. It sets the tone of ‘this isn’t going to be a normal thing.’

It highlights from the start that we all have biases, and it also uproots any past experiences they may have had for them to have these biases in the first place. A word of warning: be prepared for some truth serum on this. However, it’s important that we acknowledge these biases, get them from their minds down onto sticky notes, and out of the way first. After all, how else will we be able to have an open, honest, and trusting relationship? After the lab is done, I will run a “bashing bias” ritual, which goes back to the original post-its, and we will all get involved in burning the post-its together. Use this when bringing cross-functional teams together or when tension shows up in team dynamics.

Ring This Bell, Three Times Well Ritual

Irve Le Maybe was a rear admiral in the US Navy who was undergoing treatment for head and neck cancer. While going through treatment, he suggested that a bell be fitted in the hospital, drawing on the old navy ritual of ringing the bell when the workday came to an end or when there was a change in watch. He suggested that patients, when clear of cancer, could also ring a bell when their treatment was complete, symbolising what could undoubtedly be one of the most challenging chapters in their life. He also wrote a poem that captures the emotions and how significant the moment is:

“Ring this bell, three times well, its toll to clearly say,

My treatment’s done, this course is run, and I am on my way.”

This ritual has spread wide and far outside of the US and is often a moment for the patient to be surrounded by friends and family along with the medical staff who have helped through this chapter in their life. Often, the bell ringing is followed by cheers and tears of happiness, marking the end of this chapter.

It doesn’t take much tweaking to see how this ritual could be used in marking the end of a project, completing probation, or recognition. Many sales teams have a similar ritual when closing a big deal. I have even used it as a milestone moment for time served at the organisation.

Hide & Find Ritual

I came across a version of this used by the design company IDEO when researching for my book The Insightful Innovator. Once I came across it, I instantly wanted to try it out and tweak it a little.

When hiring, IDEO wants to make the experience a little nicer from day one. Recruiters will tease out questions such as ‘What are your favourite sweets/chocolate?’ in passing conversation. Should the newbie get hired, on day one their desk is covered in their favourite snacks and small messages from the team welcoming them to the company.

A remixed version I have tried is having the function all leave a personal item of theirs on the newbie’s desk. Then, on day one, when the newbie comes in, they are greeted with a card that says something like:

“On this desk, small treasures lie,

Each one with a story, waiting nearby.

Your task: find who each belongs to,

Return it, and learn something new.

Ask a question, hear their tale,

Let their words and stories prevail.

In these moments, bonds will grow,

A simple act, with much to show.”

Having a hide-and-find ritual in place can be special when done from day one. It’s an instant flashback to people who were once new… the feeling, the emotions, the excitement, and the nervousness.

Don’t Turn Rituals Into Routines

Workplace rituals can happen anywhere in the day-to-day of working life. However, there are some key moments where rituals could have a massive impact but are often missed because instead, we see them as routine:

• Daily Check-Ins: Quick updates from each team member

• Task Handoff: Ensuring smooth transitions when handing off tasks between team members

• Meeting & Greeting: The moment you see your teammates at work

• End-of-Day Wrap-Ups: Sharing accomplishments

• Sharing Sessions: Sharing learning moments while socialising

• Peer Review Sessions: Regular feedback loops to ensure high-quality work

• Virtual Coffee Breaks: Informal virtual chats to maintain team cohesion, especially in remote settings

• One-on-Ones: Focused time between just you and your manager

• Desk Time or Focus Time: Designated periods for uninterrupted, deep work

• Bi-Weekly Retrospectives: Reflecting on recent work to identify improvements

Embracing Rituals

Whether it’s a team handshake or Friday wins, rituals are not just for religious or cultural contexts; they are a vital part of how we navigate our lives and how we find meaning in our day, but also with others. They connect us to something bigger than just the mundane. I have found that when I discuss ritual design, it’s either embraced with open arms or met with upside-down smiles.

Two tips I would give:

• Don’t get fixated on the word “ritual.” I have had most of my success when I call them “team play,” “culture hacks,” or even “behaviour experiments.”

• Whatever you call them, have fun with them, make them stand out in the standard day-to-day, and don’t call them rituals until they become one.

Thanks for reading Get Knotted! This post is public so please share it. It really helps me out